Light Snow Sprinkles Parts of City; City In Chaos

El Paso– A very slight to virtually non-existent dusting of snow left the Sun City in chaos yesterday as thousands of El Paso drivers immediately commenced to skid and crash thier vehicles upon hearing the word snow, even without actually being anywhere around it.

Scared masses of El Pasoans were seen at local Wal-Marts and Targets hoarding canned foods and other survival essentials as they prepared to wheather Blizzard 2008; hardly anybody went to K-mart because it sucks.

Local government came to a standstill as City employees went home upon hearing that it was snowing atop the Franklin Mountains as a “snow day” was called while County employees were already on a regularly scheduled day off.

Stay with EPFN for more over coverage of Blizzard 2008!

High Winds Nearly Topple City Hall

El Paso– High winds struck the city with a vengance on Monday, tearing roofs and facades off of numerous crappy buildings around town.

City engineers told EPFN that the high winds nearly toppled city hall but that city hall was saved only by the enormous counter-weight of some city council persons egos coupled with the stupidity of thier ideas. Said a city engineer, “thier egos and stupid ideas created a force field of sorts around the building, you could see the high winds smash against the invisible force field that surrounded the building and instead strike the Insights building. Lucikly, nobody ever goes to the Insights museum.”

Tony Sanches, a part time pizza delivery driver and part time dance instructor at El Paso Community College, Fabens Campus, and local expert on economics, foreign policy and drug and cartel violence, added, “even if the buiding had collapsed, not that many people would have been hurt thanks in large part to city employees who take a 3 hour lunch and are rarely in the building itself.”

Sanches explained that had city hall actually toppled over, there would be no city council activity for a year and that would result in lower taxes, more freedom, an explosion of business and tourists and an unbelievable increase in overall happiness, a condition described by an annonymous city council person as, “a disaster”.