God: Prayer Requests May Be Backed Up For A While Due To Superbowl

Heaven– God released a press release Monday morning calling on all believers and non-believers who pray “just in case” to try to get all of their prayer requests in before the end of this week because he will be busy listening to and granting prayers during the superbowl. He will also be busy listening to “thank yous” after touchdowns and therefore, will not have time to grant superfluous prayers such as feeding the destitute and keeping people alive during this period.

Prayer request protocal will resume normal operating procedures on February 2, 2009.

Vigilante Group Promises To Kill One Good Idea Per Week

El Paso– A new vigilante group has sprung up in El Paso after another vigilante group in Juarez announced its formation early last week.

The Juarez group announced that it would kill one criminal per day and that they had formed in response to the drug war being waged in their city. The El Paso vigilante group said that their goal is to kill a good idea per week.

The El Paso group announced that they were surprised and encouraged at the outpouring of support for their mission of killing good ideas by the backlash created by last week’s call for intelligent debate regarding the legalization of drugs by city council.

The El Paso vigilante group, which calls itself, The El Paso Vigilante Group, is seeking good ideas to kill and is requesting submissions by unintelligent and/or close-minded El Pasoans; submissions should be sent to WeChooseToKeepOurHeadsInTheSand@yahoo.com.

The group also announced that until last week, they would never had dreamed of finding a good idea coming from any of our elected officials but that they would have to start paying attention after “Beto’s dastardly deed”.