El Paso– EPFN questioned some of El Paso’s elected officials about their new years resolutions, below is a sampling of some of their responses:
- Eddie Holguin: Eddie told us he plans to hire a full time caretaker for his moustache so that he can focus on spending every single moment that he’s not in a city council meeting walking door to door asking every one of his constituents how they want him to vote.
- Beto O’Rourke: Buoyed by Joe Muench’s ridiculous assertion that this Republican has a chance of becoming El Paso’s next U.S. Representative, Beto told us that he is thinking of changing his last name to “de la O ‘Rourke” so as to improve his chances of unseating Rep. Reyes.
- Beautiful Melina Castro: Frightend by the El Paso Times’ end of year discovery that there was a drug war being fought in Juarez, Melina tells us that she is planning on leaving Juarez and moving to El Paso next year. Melina added that anywhere in El Paso would be suitable however, she prefers “anywhere but the North East, God that place is scary…almost as scary as Juarez!”.
- Steve Ortega: “My bags are packed and I’m ready for some good ol’ carpet bagging…I’m just waiting for Veronica to become judge so that I can move into her district and I can run for her seat. City council pay just isn’t cutting it plus my mom threatened to stop paying my rent if I don’t do more to help out”.
- Rachel Quinta: “Just to stay out of jail, man”.
- Susie Byrd: “I’m going to try to get city sports leagues to accept dogs; it’s an injustice that dogs can’t play along side our children. I’ve been reviewing old tapes of Air Bud and my research tells me that dogs are indeed capable of playing at the same level as most kids…as well as biting off their heads”.
- Ann Morgan Lilly: “I plan to continue to impersonate a corpse on city council”.
- Eliot Shapleigh: “I’m going to ban a whole lotta shit…. A LOTTA SHIT!”.
- Anthony Cobos: “I’m looked at a position in the U.N., possibly Secretary General since the fuckers at the Times, NPT and David K ruined my chances with the Obama administration”.
- Norma Chavez: “I’m just gonna skip this legislative session all together and ride my motorcycle, cuz you know I ride a motorcycle, to Washington to start working on Obama’s 2012 re-election campaign”.
- Willie Gandara: “I’m going to give even more of my salary to the poor and then if I have time, possibly cure cancer…welcome to Willy land!”.
- Anna Perez: “Although it seems impossible from my new position, I’m going to try to get even more El Paso officials arrested for contempt of court like I almost did to Gilbert Sanchez. The local media won’t cover this either so I’m not worried”.
- Ed Archuletta: “I’m going to continue to eat babies after I yank out their hearts with my bare hands..oh yea, and puppies too”.
- Mayor Cook: “look for a job”.
