El Pasoans Misunderstand Meaning of National Meat Out Day

El Paso- A group of 6 embarrassed El Pasoans held a press conference today to apologize to the city for misunderstanding the meaning of National Meat Out Day, which was held last Friday.

The El Paso 6 admitted to walking around all day last Friday with their “meat out” of their zippers due to them not being aware that the event was meant to raise awareness of a vegetarian lifestyle.

Picture of Albuquerque Zoo Gaffe

Albuquerque, NM- Embarrassed Albuquerque Zoo officials have managed to keep any photos of their recent screw up involving their tossing of a dead giraffe into a dumpster from finding their way to the public… until now. EPFN reporters have obtained the below photograph from inside sources. EPFN presents the following disturbing photograph as a public service:

Perry’s Helicopters- First Week’s Results

Austin- A secret report obtained from Gov. Perry’s office details some previously unreleased information about the governor’s election time publicity stunt move to protect Texas from Mexican cartel invaders by implementing the use of military helicopters. While the Governor has hailed the results of his operation as “outstanding” and “eye opening”, the results detailed in the report seem to indicate otherwise. Below are some highlights from some of the pilot’s log sheets:

• Day 1- Flew over west Texas, lots of brush and lots of cars on I-10. Spotted 2 coyotes having sex.
• Day 2- Spent 4 hours looking for the horny coyotes and right before lunch, spotted 3 coyotes having sex. Observed the animal 3-way for about an hour.
• Day 3- Eagerly scoured the desert for animals having sex, nothing to report.
• Day 4- Spotted what looks like an El Paso City elected official having sex with 2 coyotes.
• Day 5- Took day off, rented animal porn.